LOVE and WILL...

Tessa: Why me? Why me, Will? Will: ... You and I, Tess, we're alike. We like and breathe words. It was books that kept me from taking my own life after I thought I could never love anyone, never be loved by anyone again. It was books that made me feel that perhaps I was not completely alone. They could be honest with me, and I with them. Reading your words, what you wrote, how you were lonely sometimes and afraid, but always brave; the way you saw the world, its colors and textures and sounds, I felt. I felt the way you thought, hoped, felt, dreamed. I felt I was dreaming and thinking and feeling with you. I dreamed what you dreamed, wanted what you wanted - and then I realized that truly I just wanted you. The girl behind the scrawled letters. I loved you from the moment I read them. I love you still.                                                                                                   - Clockwork Prince, Cassandra Clare

I can vividly imagine the scene. It is as if I am witnessing the scene right before my eyes. It is a scene full of drama, passion, pain, love, confusion and intertwining emotions no one can explain. By just mere reading it, I definitely can feel what the characters are feeling. I can feel the love, confusion and the heartaches. It is as if I am Tessa as well as I am Will. It is as if they are real people. It is as if I am not reading a fictional story. The emotions are real, so raw that it touches the deepest chamber of my heart and my soul.

It is a painful moment for Tessa to finally hear Will saying all the words she longed to hear from him and know that it is already too late for the two of them. That she can't anymore accept Will's love no matter how much she wanted, desired and needed to. That the two of them is now an impossibility. That there is no chance for them to be together. And if there is a slimmest chance, that is the chance they can't bear to take and will not take. Yes! She loves Will, the boy she shared the same interest and dream with. The boy she learned to care and fell in love with. Yet, even how deep her love can be, she still has to reject him and hurt him. She has a choice to choose will. But, she doesn't take that choice. Why? Tessa is bound to a promised made to Jem; Will's best friend, parabatai and blood brother. She is engaged to Jem and she doesn't want to break the engagement. Not just because she loves Jem too but also, she can't afford to hurt Jem. Jem is a good guy who truly loves her. He deserves to be happy than breaking something precious and something vital inside him. Breaking the engagement and turning down his love may cause his life, not just literally his life coz there are worst thing than death; don't worth it.

Tragic.
Complicated.
Painful.
Confusing.

Honestly, I don't want to be in Tessa's shoes. She is turn between two lovers of her hearts. She can't choose the other without hurting the other. Worst, she can't love the two at the same time. Tessa's place is any woman who truly love doesn't wish to be. It is not easy to dive in. If loving two good guys is difficult, what more is to hurt the one you love? Yet, I strongly agree that in reality or just in fictional settings, we always hurt the one we love. Intentional or unintentional.

My heart bleeds for Will. He maybe a bastard and a jerk, but, he definitely has a good heart, big enough to love Tessa as a woman and to love Jem as his blood brother and best friend. For me, Will is a great lover to give up his own happiness for the happiness of his best friend. He is a real man to do such sacrifice any other man in reality can't do. He has reasons to reject Tessa's love before. Yet, he deserves to be loved and be happy after many pains he been through. He is a good guy, after all.

Begging a chance for love is not easy to do. It is a heart breaking situation no one wants to experience. It hurts not just the ego but the heart and the soul. It is why I fell in love with the character of Will Herondale. He did beg for love and in the end, a not deserved rejection he get. It only proves that love is much stronger than pride and too much self-worth. To promise something and anything is enough to say that love makes the world go round. Everyone will give all the bests of the world just to have the most elusive love. It is not easy. It is just it all worth it. True to say the promises are made to be broken. Yet, if love is true, it will not just be a promise. It will be real, put to action and well-meaning.

Tessa's rejection is too painful to endure; for her own self and for Will. But, there are things much more important than one's own happiness. It is painful enough to be rejected by the one you love. It doubled the pain knowing that your best friend is the reason behind the rejection. Moreover, it increases to a hundred times painful when you made a promise to never caused pain to your best friend and you are not likely to break that promise. Another hundred times painful knowing your best friend is dying and it might be his only and last chance to be happy and give shot to a rarest love.

Tragically, it is indeed heart breaking. And, I can't help admiring Will to do such sacrifice and bare his own unhappiness and be happy for Jem. It is indeed a noble act. In real life, a rare few men can do what Will did in the book. It is a selfless and unselfish act to give up your true love and let your happiness be taken away from you. Impossible; like in the book, it is "snow in summertime, a London winter without rain." No one can be that noble in reality. Yet, it can be possible only if one is strong enough to face the pain and endure life despite the sorrow felt. Letting your happiness be taken away from you is a rare act and not so easy to do.

And hearing the one you love declaring that she love the other guy is already enough to kill your already dying soul. Much more if that other guy is your best friend. Seeing her everyday with your best friend is a lemon added to your already bleeding wound. Some will better choose death than to endure the torment and pain. Yet, Will indeed face it and accept the situation strongly.

In some ways, I am also sad for Tessa. She longed for Will. She loved him and will always love him. She tried, failed and hurt. Things change. She loves both guys.

Now, she promised forever to the other. Her situation, as I say, is difficult. She, too, is a girl who is not likely to hurt other people. It is not her characteristic to break a promised made. Her heart can bleed to see Will hurting and silently killing himself with pain. Yet, she can't afford to hurt Jem too. She will not. "She can't sever the other from the other." It is indeed a hard situation to dive in though she needs to make her choice. Her decision. And, she chooses to hurt Will believing Will can get through the pain no matter how much difficulty he might go through. Will may be forever hurting. But, he can go on and live his life. While Jem is dying and adding an insult to an injury is not a wise option. 

Jem can give way and let Tessa and Will have each other. Yet, Tessa and Will choose to keep their feelings just to the two of them. Jem's giving way for her and Will's happiness is something Will can't accept and she knows it. Will will never be totally happy. He might be back pushing Tessa away again and blame himself for causing Jem unhappiness. Knowing how much Will value Jem and Jem to Will, both will never betray each other, she might loss both guys.

Call her selfish, but she only loves too differently. Whichever she chooses, she still hurt the other. Better it is Will. Will is stubbornly strong to deal and face the pain she caused him. I am not saying Jem is weak. It is just that Jem is dying and I say, let him have his last chance to happiness. Anyway, in the end, all are happy.

Love is uniquely different. It is always about knowing how to love truly and accepting what it offers; may it be happiness or sorrow. The sacrifices worthy and happiness is always the ending. Indeed!