JULY BABY

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully. Caring and
loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
in studying. Loves to be with friends . Always broods
about the past and the old friends. Waits for
friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover.

LOVE DEFINED!!!!

No one will ever forget their childhood love!!!

              Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale in an unexpected way. Ever since the dawn of man, love already exists and still continues to flourish as generations pass by. It progresses and develops into its new height of existence. It is as old as before the earth was created. BUT, HOW COULF ONE TRULY DEFINE LOVE?

                Yes! Every heart is in love with the idea of love and why not? It is easy to be tempted by the thought of finding love and falling in love. It is exciting and fun. It is a moment in life full of beautiful experiences. 

          

              Yet, no one can truly define love. Its meaning is so unexplainable. Its existence is a great mystery that the heart even can’t reveal. It can’t even be describe similarly by every heart.

            

              The heart is always looking for love. It is a game gambled and played to either win or lose. It has many unwritten rules challenged to be learn first. Then as the rules are mastered, the game starts. It is played mindlessly and riskily. Some win it and become a champion of pure happiness. Some, unfortunately, loss it and badly get injured and hurt. But, at the end of every game, it is always ALL ABOUT LOVE---it is all about getting up, picking the pieces and continue living and loving.

            

                Love is not just a feeling. It is a noble act of self-giving, self-sacrificing, offering trust, faith, loyalty, respect and compassion. It binds the heart and soul of two different individual making them one and complete.

    Love is not about finding the right and perfect partner. Such, don’t exist! It is about creating, if not a perfect but a right relationship. It is not about how much love the heart has in the beginning but how much love it builds until the end.

   Sometimes, love meant for few heartaches and sacrifices. Yet, it is not about how much pain it gains but how the heart survives and continues to love. It is about being truly happy and making the most of that love the heart has.

   Love is like having a tattoo. The heart takes the risk, faces the pain and places it in a special part of the chambers. But, somehow, when the time comes that the heart needs to erase it, the heart endures the pain again. The heart will soon realized that it will forever leave a scar that reminds an experience of having a special kind of love once in your life. It is just that it did not work out so fine that the heart has to let it go.

  

 Love is always about perfect timing. It may have different time, reason, and moment to different folks. The mind can’t ask it to stay. Only the heart can embrace it as it come and be delightful that it was felt.

Love creates peace in the mind and bliss of the soul.

Love doesn’t frighten, only strengthen.

Love is never insecure. It keeps the heart warn and safe.

Love doesn’t suffocate. It only cuddles and encourage.

Love never restraints. It shouts for freedom to choose, decide and move on with hope, optimish and without fear.

Love absolutely brings out the heart’s best.

In the end, the heart that made love guilds the mid that love itself has no definite reason and definition. It only has an existence. It is subjective and has unique emotion felt by two unique individuals. Every love is different to different individual. But, the bizarre magic it casts makes its complexity easy to understand creating a happy ending for two hearts truly in love.

By then, LOVE IS DEFINED!!!!

Breaking Into Pieces

One of the hardest moments in life is breaking up with someone you learned to love so much.

    “I don’t love you anymore…”

    Ouch! These words came like a shock to her after a bout of verbal exchange with her first boyfriend. She felt devastated. She asks herself, “How can love, being pure and true, bring pain and torment?” Then, she realized that human love is far from being perfect. Man sets the standard and conditions for loving and the mere violation of which is used as an alibi to stop loving.

     This is the very thing she had experienced when she broke up with her first boyfriend…her first love. It seems that her world fall down and she felt useless. She only wanted to just die. Oh yes! She loved him that much making her to become a lady of no logic. It is appoint in her life where she encounter great pain and eventually, she felt numb. Then, she suddenly stopped loving.

     She resolved to herself not to let anyone hurt her in anyway again. She built an invisible wall and secures the lock of the door to protect her from being hurt again by anyone who wishes to be near her and later on, drop her like a trash. She became afraid to love. She started to hate men who never know how to value the love given to them by a woman.

     For a while, she managed to keep the door unopened and untouched. She thought, she would never learn to love again after what had happen to her first romance. But, she realized that the wall she built couldn’t protect her. Rather, it isolates her from the love and happiness that could be her by choosing to be brave to unlock the door and take the risk to love again despite what happen.

      She also realized that loving means becoming more vulnerable to pain. It is after all worth an experience. She simply said to herself that there is someone else who loved her very much with no exemption and the love He is offering is perfectly different…a love that is totally unconditional and incomparable. And, He alone is already loved.

     God has given her love and obliges her to share that love to other people. As well, she learned to have this total self-giving love because God, Himself is LOVE. He is present to all who knows how to love and give love.

     To love again, may be a frightening choice. But, how can she know if it is worthy if she is afraid of trying again. She thought, she could only appreciate the real beauty of loving by doing it over and over again without minding the pains gain from it. And, she proves it true.

     She opens her heart once more and learns to love again. She goes through different kinds of love and hurts. But each experience is not easy to forget. It all worth to be keep and treasured.

     Real love is not easy to be found. Loving is along searching yet a very exciting journey. Each moment experienced is worth to be cherished because of the lessons learned from it. On her part, she can always say that being in love and to know how to love is the greatest lesson she’d ever discovered in her life.

      She can now endure all the pains because behind all those, there lays happiness. She may be loveless at this time, but she is still in love to life and to people who surrounds her. She knows that in the future, there is love waiting only for her.

     Life is always beautiful especially if it has the essence of love. It will never be complete without the element of LOVE.

A Promise To Keep 1

Daphne as a best friend is a heaven’s gift to Jaze. He is such a lucky guy to have her in his life. For him, Daphne is an angel sent by God from above to always make him smile and make his day complete. The friendship they have is so beautiful and one of a kind that many become envy to the two of them. It is something that can be treasured and very much rare to find. And, despite many challenges that tested their friendship, it remains strong and getting stronger as years went by.

 

They’ve been best friend for six years. And Jaze can’t out do with the idea of not falling for his best friend. What he can say about Daphne…all he knows is that he love everything about her–the way she laughs every time he commit a mistake, the way she fusses over silly things and the way she cries over stupid reasons.

 

He could still perfectly remember the first time they’ve met. They were in high school by that time. Daphne was in her first year and a new student from another province.

 

He saw her one day setting alone in one of the benches. He approached her with a sweet smile in his face. It was kind of strange that for the first time he saw her, he feels that he likes her.

 

“Hello…You’re alone? Can I join you?” he asked in a very coy voice.

“Hi…Yeah, sure…”

“Waiting for someone?”

“I’m waiting for my cousin….Hmmm…If I’m not mistaken, you’re Jaze Ian from sophomore IIA…”

“Huh!!! Yeah…How did you know my name?”

“Who would not…You are one of the most talked about personality here in the campus…”

“Really, I don’t have any idea about that one…”

“Ha…ha… Humble!!! But Kidding aside, it was my cousin who told me who you are…The two of you are classmates and she always talked about you in the house…I think she got a crush on you…”

“Whew!!! Unbelievable…ha…ha…By the way, may I know your name?”

“I’m Daphne…Freshman IA…”

 

From that very moment the two of them become good friends and then later on, become best friends. Jaze likes Daphne’s company. The two of them are exactly opposite when it comes to character, but their personalities always collide. Daphne is pretty and smart. He learned lots of things from her frankness and from the way she view life. it seems that everything she do always pleases him.

 

And as years went by, he feels that the likeness he had for her grew into a much deeper emotions. At first, he thinks it is just a simple crush. But he started thinking of her every night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time. Whenever their hands touched, he could feel the tingling sensation running all over his body. And, every time he kissed her in the cheek, he loved the way she blushed and he would wish he could kiss those lips curving the sweetest smile he’d ever seen in his whole life. How he hope that every moment he spent with her would never end because he now realized that he is falling in love with her.

 

Daphne is a picture of the woman he wanted to share every moment of his life. He also believes that Daphne is the perfect girl for him. But he is too afraid to reveal his feelings. He is scared of the possibility that he might lose her if he does so. Somehow, he wishes he could tell her that he loves her. But, for now, he will rather choose to keep it as a secret that take a risk and lose her. He knew that Daphne would be angry to him if she fined out that he is keeping secret from her. He knows that they’ve made a promise not to keep and secret from each other. And, now, he is doing it. He is betraying his best friend.

 

They’ve shared many memories and he can’t imagine that all those memories will just go to waste because he told her about what he feels. He could still perfectly recall how he taught her how to play basketball and how he lose over her when they had a simple match. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with him in a race they had. And, he is the one who put bandage on her scraped knees and elbow while she keep on blaming him. He also remember how Daphne cried while placing the ice bag over his damaged eye and bruised cheeks due to fighting those bullies who teased her. Few of the many memories they’ve shared together that he can’t content of just putting to waste.

 

Day by day his feeling is getting much stronger and it is getting out of control. He is afraid of it. He tries to deny it for he is scared to imagine of what would happen if he will tell her about it. He is very much scared to lose her. So, he keeps it hidden.

 

Yes, he had few relationships in the past but all are unsuccessful. All ended up into break ups. He can’t stop himself from comparing each girlfriend he has to Daphne. He knew well that he is becoming unfair to them. But he can’t help it. He is not happy with each relationship. He felt something is missing. He is looking for something that he can only find in Daphne’s character.

 

Until one day, he learned that Daphne has already a boyfriend. At first, he tried to be happy for her but deep inside, he is hurting. He could feel his heart slowly breaking into pieces every time he sees them in a very sweet situation. He felt how his heart ache to see them so happy and every time Harvey gives Daphne flowers, chocolates, compliments and stuffed toys. There was even a time he watched them from a distance wishing he is the one doing those things to her. Mixed feelings of anger, sadness and pain is what he feel because he think that Daphne only sees him as a friend and never as a lover.

 

But Daphne is having same feelings for Jaze. She knew that her best friend is in love with her. She is not “numb” not to notice those special treatments Jaze shown to her only intended for a lover. Actually, she is just waiting for him to propose. She’s also in love with him. A feeling she kept all these years because she is also afraid of losing their friendship, especially Jaze in her life. Aside from that, she is not yet sure of her feelings and at the same time; she is not yet ready to have a more serious relationship with her best friend.

 

She loved Jaze not only in a friendly way but as someone she felt like spending every moment of her life. She had always loved him right from the start as old as the start of their friendship. She sleeps at night with him as her last thought and wake up each morning thinking him first. And every time she’d learned that Jaze has again a new girlfriend, she secretly cry because whether she will admit it or not, she is hurting. She has a feeling of only having him all by for herself.

 

And the truth about Harvey, her boyfriend, is that she only used him to make Jaze jealous and trigger him to do his move but to no avail. Jaze remain coward and her becoming more desperately frustrated. She desperately wanted to hear him say all those words she always longed to hear, but he never did.

 

Jaze and Daphne both wanted each other. Both hearts aches. The feelings they have for each other are mutual. But both are also scared to let go of what they truly feels. Both are afraid. Both are turned between friendship and love.

 

One day, Jaze is having his afternoon practice of basketball in the gymnasium. Harvey came so angry and suddenly gives him a hard punch causing him to lose his balance.

 

“Damn you, bastard!!!” Harvey angrily uttered.

            “Stop it, Harvey! It is not his fault…If you’re angry then just be angry with me! I am the one who much deserve your anger…” Daphne’s statement that make Jaze even confuse of what is happening.

            “Wait…” he said, “Can anyone explain everything to me why I deserve to be punch by this man…”

            “You shut up!”

            “Harvey, please… I beg you…” Daphne interrupted and tried to stop Harvey from giving again Jaze a punch.

            “Listen, please…” she continue, “I admit I used you, Harvey just to have him…And I am so sorry with that…I thought I’m making the right move. But I am wrong all along…i know I’ve hurt your ego and I also know that you will never forgive me for now… But still the same, I still want to say sorry for what I did… I just hope that someday you’ll going to forgive me…”

            “Is that your way of ending up our relationship???” Harvey asked in a soft but so tense voice.

 

Daphne never says a word to confirm it. Her silence is already enough for Harvey to leave the gymnasium feeling defeated and dumb.

 

Jaze look at his best friend who is in tears at the moment. He doesn’t know what is happening and he really need an explanation. He doesn’t know what to feel and he can’t even ask anything from Daphne who is sobbing in front of him. All he can do is gave her a tight hug for consolation.

 

“Bring me home, Jaze…” Daphne asked him, “I’m going to explain everything to you in some other time but not now…I know I owe it to you…”

 

Jaze don’t need to say a word. He understands her and he can wait…It cans way. He perfectly knows her. What she always said must be followed if you don’t want to see her in her worst situation when she got angry, especially in this state. There is time for everything, anyway.

 

Three days later when Daphne tried to explain everything to Jaze. At first, she really have the hard time because she might spill her biggest secret of which she is not yet ready. “Come what way,” she said to herself.

 

“So that is the reason…” Jaze commented upon hearing Daphne’s explanation. “But I’m still wondering why he gave me that punch…” He looks at Daphne expecting to hear the explanation he is suspecting and assuming just last few days ago. Yet, he felt disappointed when Daphne speaks up.

            “It is because he thinks that the guy I’m talking to him is you who is not true and will never be true…”

            “Ohhh…I just thought… Can I know who this guy is?”

 

Daphne looks away for she can’t look straight at Jaze’s eyes. She’s afraid that he might catch her lying.

 

As of Jaze, he just looks at his best friend. He knows that she is keeping something from. And, he think he got an idea of what is it. But he will never force to say the truth. For now, he is already contented to have her back and free… also happy because he again got a chance to tell her everything about his feelings. And he promised this time that he will really do it no matter what.

 

They found themselves doing what they did in the old days and enjoying again doing those activities they always did, especially those childish pranks. They keep their selves busy forgetting what the things they most have done.

 

So many chances Jaze had to confess his feelings and same thing with Daphne. But, they both could not bring themselves to each other’s foot for both are still scared of losing each other. So they still kept the feelings they have as a secret even if it was bursting to be express from their aching heart. They don’t want to spoil each happy moment they had for each other.

 

For now, both are already satisfied to see each other happy in each other’s company. Both think that they don’t have to say anything. They feel that they both have the connection…that they both own each other’s heart even without saying anything. Confirmation is not anymore needed. What is important is that both agreed to the silent understanding that their hearts set for the two of them.

 

Yet fate intervenes. There is a need for Jaze to follow his parents in London. His parents already decided for him to finish his college there.

 

“So, you’re really leaving…” Daphne said in a very lonely voice.

            “Yeah…Mama wants me to have my architecture degree there…I can’t say no to her, especially that we haven’t seen each other for almost a decade…I miss them also…”

            “I understand…But I can’t help myself of not feeling sad…I’m going to miss you…”

            “Me too…”

 

Silence amidst between them. No one dared to speak up.

 

“Daph, can you promise to wait for me…I promise to be back as soon as I finish school…Four years is not that long…”

            “I will not promise anything to you, Jaze, because promises are made to be broken. Just do what you think is best and right. Just do those you think that is needed to be done…I’m Just here, standing by until the time you come back…”

            “Ohhhh…Daph….Don’t cry…It makes things for me to become harder…I’ll be back…It’s a promise I don’t intend to break…And I assure you that…I don’t want to hurt you because you’re not only my best friend but also someone so special to me and someone I loved much…”

            “I know, Jaze…You don’t have to say all those words…I can feel it all…And, I an also feeling the same…”

 

The day of Jaze flight came. If he can only decide for himself, he would rather choose to stay than leave. He can’t afford to be that far to Daphne. But, at the same time, he can’t also afford to put down his mother’s appeal.

 

“Bye for now, Daph…It is not forever…I’ll see you as soon  as I got my diploma…Wait for me…And, don’t forget to keep in touch…”

 

Daphne could only give him an affirmative nod.

 

“Read this after I’d left…It contents everything I wanted to tell you…” Jaze said as he handed her an envelop. He gave her a very tight hug and a long kiss in the lips.

            “I love you, Daph and will always will…You are the only girl for me…” he softly whispers before entering the departure area.

 

Daphne watched the plane as it left the runway until it completely vanished in the horizon.

 

“I also and always loved you, Jaze…Just do what you said because I’ll hold on to that…It is a promise you should keep…” She whispered in the after reading the letter.

 

She left the airport with a smile on her face and with the hope that Jaze would fulfill everything he said to her.

 

What the letter content made her so happy and gave her an assurance that the future awaits to the two of them to settle what is need to be settled and put and end to the unfinished business they have for them to become definitely happy.

I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE!!!

The hardest thing to do is to say goodbye to a beautiful story!

It’s been a year when I first met you. The first time I’d seen you, I knew right then that I like you. I thought it was just a mere physical attraction. But as I’ve learn to know you in a much deeper way, I came to realized that I was already falling in love with you.

            I tried to deny the feelings for I was scared of it and I was not that sure if it is really love or just an infatuation. And when I realized what really it is, I started to like it. I admit that it is not the first time that I fell in love. But, I know that this time it is different. I am always inspired. I feel that there was never been a dull moment in my life. I don’t care if I have lots of problem to face the next day. What I always think is the excitement of seeing you around.

            Whenever I see you, I feel the surge of energy within me. Your smile lights up my day and simply kisses my worries away. Your glimpse makes me speechless. It felt heaven. You got a magic making me feel so crazy and drifting me to the land of dreams and fantasies.

            The feelings were nice at first, but as days went by, I started to feel the pain inside me. It was never been easy to love you when you already set your heart for someone else. I have known it even right from the start but truth really hurts, especially if it really comes from you.

            And, stupid of me… I let myself love you a lot despite such fact. I know I should stop loving you. But damn this heart that only and always yearns for you. The more I tried to suppress my feelings, the more it gets wild. Why did I have to learn to love you so much? And feel this pain of longing you…you who can never be mine.

            “It was never easy to love someone who doesn’t love you back…”

           

            It is the lesson I’ve learn from this experience. It is really true. I can’t explain how it feels like. All I know is it really hurts. It is as if something squeezes your heart letting you savor how painful it is in every squeeze. And to love you is maybe the greatest disappointment I ever had in my life. I don’t regret the time that I’ve met you and fell in love with you.

            There were even times that tears just came flowing down from my eyes for no exact reason. I just felt like crying to lessen the pain I have here inside my heart. I wanted to be beside you and always with you. I want to tell you that I love you so much but I don’t have the guts. I am afraid to be rejected by you. For me, it is already enough to watch you at a distance even though my heart really aches to have you. I am already contented with that.

            Day after day, the pain I felt is getting more painful. It is also getting uncontrollable. I know I should do something to avoid myself from deepening into a more serious situation wherein I can’t anymore control myself from hurting and eventually feel numb… So many thoughts troubled my mind. There is the thought of wanting you, the thought of loving you, and the thought of losing you. But along those, maybe I should preferred the thoughts of losing you because I know that to want you is just a dream, to love you means to lose myself and to lose you is to love you. Though my heart is aching, I want to let go this feelings I have for you and will always wish for your happiness.

            It is not that I don’t love you anymore but it is just that I already have gone too far and things are getting out of control. I should let go before things come to its worst. It is already enough for me to know that you already have an idea of the feelings I have only for you.

            I am grateful enough that you let me feel all this emotions. Each moment I had with you will remain special and I will keep it for the rest of my life. All is a moment must be treasured.

             Maybe, someday, somehow, I will be able to find someone like you again…someone who will teach me again the magic of falling in love. But, rest assured that no matter what happen, whether the world still crumble, nobody can ever replace you in your special place here in my heart. You will remain in that place until forever ends.

            That’s how it should be…

            I…LOVE…YOU…

            GOODBYE…

LETTING GO... SETTING FREE...

Once, there was a butterfly in my palm and I let it flew away. Not because I don’t love it but because I wanted it to enjoy and be happy with the flowers and the bees. I know that keeping it in my palm won’t make it the best butterfly it could be. Worst, it might die in my hands.

                       

I tried to hold on...

I pretended to be happy...

Yet, tears fell when I said, “GO AHEAD... YOU ARE FREE...”

It is better that way and I’m happier to watch it fly and playing from the distance but I can’t also help myself from crying and bleeding at the same time.

It is not what I hold that is mine. But, kit is what is left when I open my hands and let go...set free.

Sometimes, love doesn’t go the way I wanted it to be. When it hurts and I still try to hold on, I feel the pain grow stronger. The tighter I cling to it, it does hurt even more. It cast an agony that is too much to stand on...the silence, the pain, the longing, the emptiness and the loneliness is too much to put up with. Every time I tighten my grip, something tells me to let it go. Love should not be push too hard nor to hold. The pressure will hurt and nothing will be gain but heartaches and sorrow. Holding on will just prolong the agony.

What is the used of holding on when love doesn’t work the way it is supposed to be? When it becomes painful, let it go. TRUE! It hurts but it is just for a while. Letting it go is much better than trying to hold it on as it will only hurt. Accepting that love is not meant to hold on when it screams, ‘’let go of me’’, happiness and freedom from all the misery set in.

Letting go gives a wonderful feeling. It is sad. Yet, it should be. It is useless to hold on and force love. Love can’t be begged to stay when what it wants is to go and be free.

Letting go can be a new beginning of something new and something magnificent. It can be a new start to find the love that is truly meant to stay forever...love that is true, will not hurt, secured and brings joy and contentment.

Here it is.

I’m not going to hold too long to what is never meant for me. I will let it go and set free before it will totally kills me. I don’t need to tie my heart to that love which has nothing to offer me but pain. I deserve more than that.

YES! I cried.

I am sad.

I am lonely.

But, time to move on...

Let go...set free...

It hurts but once over it, I know, I’ll just find it is for the better.

Anyway, a heart truly in love never loses hope but always believe in the promise of true love and pure happiness. No matter how long, a heart that knows how to love can sacrifice and wait the time for it to be totally healed. And, once it recovers from the pain of the pass, it will just finds its way to that one true love.

Love begets love.

If love is not meant to be hold on, it leaves no matter what.

If it is meant to be hold on, it stays forever.

Somehow, this is what love is all about. The end of one love is not yet going to be the end for the heart to stop beating. Every end of one love is always the beginning of another love. It is just a matter of understanding that love always leave for a reason and a lesson learned from the experience and the pains. It is a matter of discovering love once more. It is a matter of falling in love over and over again. And it is a matter of continuing how to love despite all odds.

To fall again to a love so true is the reason why let go.

Letting go doesn’t mean to stop loving.

Letting go is sacrificing for real happiness waits.

Letting go is setting free---myself and the one I decided to let go.

Letting go is being free and truly happy.

I let it go because I want the one I let go to be happy too. It is the idea of loving. To love is not about having the love and happiness all for myself but it is about being happy for one I let go even how much it cause me pain. Loving is all about sacrificing your own happiness just to see the one you love happy. Pain it brings will just make the heart that loves even stronger and makes happiness even sweeter once it finally sets in.

I let go and able to say “THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO FIND A BETTER LOVE...”

Not now, but surely soon enough...

I LET GO...

I SET FREE...xoxo

...forever searching...

         Always in love? Or was it something else I felt over and over again.

         I can still vividly remember the time I was first head-over-heels in love with someone so special. My first crush and somehow, my first love was Kent Jason, my Mr. Sniper, at the tender age of ten, at the tender age of ten and even then I was driven inadvisable acts in the name of love. One day, I scrawled, “ I LOVE KENT!!!” in red crayons on the cover of my notebook---and was soundly scolded for my efforts.

         When I was thirteen , I’ve learned to be infatuated with Armando because of his wit and brain. When I was fourteen, it was Carlo John I liked. The next year it was Stephen and a year after, it was Rafael. Even when I enter college, there was Josh and John Emmanuel, Joseph and Petersen. There even Nathan and Nheil Harvey, both give me a wonderful bliss. I even fall for John Carlo, a friend so dear to me that I never thought I loved all through the years. Then, back to Yoshiaki whom I haven’t seen for many years. And the latest on my long and endless list of crushes are Mike, my Mr. Snob, and Jace, my best friend.

          I really got a very long and endless list of crushes that I can’t even keep track. From hunky, hot basketball players to gorgeous movie stars down to all handsome-slash-impressing guys who come along my way, I’ve lusted them all. And, it includes, hot-steamy-good looking guys of TV shows like Gossip Girl, 90210, Vampires Diaries, One Tree Hill and so on.

           My crushes have ranged from faint curiosity to pure frenzied madness.

           I’ve learned to love watching basketball, football and lawn tennis, sat in front of my laptop the whole day doing social networking and avail the twenty-four-seven unlimited text promos just to text some of my crushes I’m in contact with while being a couch potato queen who stays awake ‘till wee hours in the morning watching those night shows on cable or simply having a movie marathon mania.

           Crushes simply overturn my life. Like some poignant state, there is the initial contact with the infectious agent, a period of festering and rambling elation, followed by a long period of recuperation.

            Even art is of little exploit of combating the foolishness. Human beings are biologically made to be captivated to love. “CRUSH” is actually a mélange of hormones triggered by something as a fleeting look. One minute, I’m coolly walking down the street. The next, I’m dumbstruck by the unearthly beauty of the guy walking along my way. I don’t get to pick. In perfect inverse proportion---the dim-witted I get, the better he seems.

            And here is the final twist: JUST WHEN I FEEL I ALREADY UNDERSTAND THE FORCE AT WORK, SOMETHING COMES ALONG THE WAY TO SMASH ALL MY THEORIES WHICH LEADS ME TO A NEW BIG CRUSH. Well, for now, I still have no idea of who he is. I just hope, he would finally be the one. I’d grow faint and my heart thump so hard all from the thought of it.

            I am giddy.

            I go gaga.

            I am completely out of mind. I am driving my whole friends insane with endless recitations of, “He doesn’t like me?” “With his gestures towards me, do you think he likes me too?”

            Sounds juvenile, isn’t it?

            Well, definitely, that is what having crushes and falling in love do. They reduce us to complete and total imbeciles.

            I’ve heard about ladies finding their soulmates, but when the heck am I ever going to meet mine?

            Maybe after another never-ending list of crushes, I don’t know.

            I’ll just wonder when he will come across my way…

            Will it happen next week?

            What if next month?

            How about next year?

            Or I could already know him and in five years after, we’ll grab the same cart in the supermarket and be like, “OH! Is that you!?...WOW! How are you now? Can I have your number?” Or just fake and take you for coffee and some chit-chats.

         

            It’s driving me crazy.

            But, there is one thing I’m totally sure of.

            When I am going to finally meet him, we will spend time walking around town all laid back, so in love and happy like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

            For now, I will just enjoy adding new names of my new crushes to my everlasting list of crushes...